Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Turn Back the Rahmulans (A Satire by a Nerd)

After their sweeping Proconsul victory of the “Cap and Trade” bill, led by Chief Proconsul Nazi Pelosi, at the urging of Rahmulan Emanuel, it appears the Rahmulans and Prater Obama have been turned back and have been forced to their side of the neutral zone; for a time. The Rahmulans started their incursion into the neutral zone back on January 20th, with the inauguration of their figurehead Prater Obama. Cloaked in ambiguity, platitudes and faux-altruism, the Rahmulans struck fast knowing that their numbers and intellect were far inferior to the Vulconservatives. Although hardly a victory for the Vulconservatives, the most recent Rahmulan assault on the Universe, via Universal Health Care has been turned back, even at the urge to forge ahead by Rahmulan himself. The Vulconservatives first goal is to expose the Rahmulan cloaking devices, so they can be seen for what they are; tyrants and villains. Also, part of the Vulconservative plan is, once the cloak starts to weaken, assault the enemy with logic, reason and Truth. Such an assault will surely unite the Federation and ensure victory.

It has long been rumored an alliance between the Rahmulans and the Borg, although few believe such a brotherhood exists. Vulconservative intelligence has proven such a link, and believes that although the Proconsul, the Prater and his staff, and a few other Rahmulans are unlikely to assimilate to the collective of the Borg; they see assimilation of the masses as the only way to secure their victory. Vulconservatives that have studied similar assimilations to the collective know that once the Borg Queen has established military dominance, resistance is futile. Additionally, to best serve the collective, often those who helped them secure power are slaughtered wholesale as a measure of protection. What's more, genocide of those that are not considered productive or assimilatable or are considered resistors, is also common. History has proven such alliances like the one between the Rahmulans and the Borg can not survive on their own merits and must imperialize other planets to survive since they do not create, advance or produce; only eat.

Vulconservatives! We must expose the cloak of the Rahmulans. Logic and Truth exist absolutely! They are weapons that can not be defeated if used properly. We must hone our skills, we must condition our mind and body because the finest sword in the hand of a child is near useless. We must expose the cloak and put down this frontal attack so that we and our children may, “Live long and prosper.”

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